By Danny Kerns,

About his son, Chance, the quorum president

The twelve-year-old boy walked into Sacrament meeting and yelled, “He’s a bully!”  His ward didn’t think twice about the outburst, and the parents soon had him calmed down.  His name is Sterling, and he is autistic.  During that meeting one of the bishop’s counselors noticed Sterling’s parents looked more haggard than usual.  Out of concern, he later mentioned it to the bishop.  The bishop explained that they were becoming more concerned with his increasing outbursts.  The counselor had sat in on many Deacons Quorum and Sunday School classes with Sterling and his father, who was always quick to curb any outbursts or off-topic tangents.  However, the counselor noticed that everyone, including himself, walked on eggshells around Sterling.  The result of which was zero interaction between him and his peers.

The counselor began to feel badly about the whole scenario.  He and his wife counted Sterling's parents as two of their best friends, and he resolved to somehow help.  During Sunday dinner that same day, he told his wife what the bishop had said.  As a teacher at the school Sterling attends, she added some insight into the situation.  One of the younger boys in the ward was in the same class as Sterling.  He had discovered that he could get laughs from his peers if he pushed Sterling’s buttons enough to cause an outburst.  The school quickly recognized the problem and had both sets of parents come in to discuss it.  The other young man’s parents were great.  Instead of reacting defensively, they quickly took steps to ensure that it wouldn’t happen again, and frequently checked in with Sterling's parents to make sure everything was fine at school.

The counselor’s first reaction to what his wife shared was anger at the thought of Sterling getting bullied.  His wife, however, took the time to describe some details about the other boy's life.  She said, “His only friend switched to homeschool this year.  He is one of the only non-Hispanic students in his grade, and he is really smart.  Those are the two most unpopular things you can be in that particular school.  They’re only house-sitting for his grandparents who are away caring for a dying aunt.  He knows that his family will move to a new town when his grandparents come back.  So, this boy knows that his aunt is dying, but doesn’t know when.  His grandparents are coming back, but he doesn’t know when.  His family will be moving, but he doesn’t know when, and he is unpopular in school.  Sounds to me like all the ingredients to act up.”

The bishop's counselor agreed, and felt his heart go out to that young man as well.  During this conversation, the counselor became aware that his thirteen-year-old boy was listening intently.  He wished they were having this conversation in private, but decided not to interrupt his wife to end it.   His son was a peer of both boys.  He didn’t go to school with them, but he was the Deacons Quorum president.  Sterling was in his quorum, and the other young man would be shortly.

 

The counselor decided there was nothing he could do for Sterling other than become his friend.  “There are only two males in his life that he likes,” Sterling's father told him: “The school principal and the school janitor.”  When questioned, the school principal had no advice.  He claimed he didn’t do anything special to gain distinction as one of the two males the boy liked.  The counselor decided that his only course of action was to somehow entice Sterling to talk to him.  His favorite activity, one that he engaged in during classes, was to play with “girl’s toys” as he calls them.  In particular he enjoys braiding dolls’ hair.  His favorite television show is My Little Pony.  The counselor had his wife order some toys from the show that would fit in his suit pocket.  When the toys arrived, he spent some time with his nine-year-old daughter as she quizzed him on the ponies’ names and characteristics.

The whole family awaited the next Sunday School with great anticipation.  The counselor sat next to Sterling and started combing the toy’s hair.  It attracted a lot of interest but didn't elicit any conversation.  The next week a stuffed panda with a sparkly cape was employed, and that was more successful.  Sterling lit right up and asked what its name was.  The counselor was then introduced to Sterling’s barbie.  It was a huge success that was retold at Sunday dinner and was met with glee by the counselor’s family.  He was well on his way to being friends with Sterling.

It was a sweet experience that continues each Sunday.  But this story is not about the budding friendship between a bishop’s counselor and an autistic boy. It was about the counselor getting to watch as revelation is received by his thirteen-year-old son, the Deacons Quorum president.  Here are snippets of several conversations that took place over the two weeks following the counselor’s first successful interaction with Sterling:

“Dad, I think I want to start taking a stuffed animal for the second hour.  Maybe I can make friends with Sterling.”

“That's a great idea.”

Later…

“Dad, I'm worried that the other boys might laugh at my stuffed animal.  I don't mind them joking with me, but it might make Sterling feel bad.”

“Well you better talk to the boys first and tell them what you’re doing so they will remain reverent.”

Later…

“Dad, I think I had better talk to the teachers and priests since we usually combine for classes”.

“That’s a great idea!”

Later…

“Dad, do you think we could have a special meeting for the young men without Sterling?  I could tell them my plan and maybe recruit them to bring stuffed animals as well.  This could be a way we could include Sterling and make him feel welcome.”

“That sounds like a great idea, but that will need to be cleared with the bishop.  You can talk to him after Mutual tonight. Be ready to tell him what you want to do, what you hope to accomplish, and who you want to invite to the meeting.”

Later…

“Dad, do you think it would be okay to invite the eleven-year-old boys to the meeting since they will be joining the quorum soon?  It might be really good for that one boy to see how much we care about Sterling.”  (He was referring to the young man who was in Sterling’s class at school.)

“That’s an excellent idea, but again, you need to ask the Bishop.”

Later…

“Dad, the Bishop liked my idea!  He says we can meet a half an hour early for Mutual next week.  But he wants me to share my plan with Sterling's dad first to see if it’s okay.”

Later…

“Dad, Sterling's dad really liked the idea.  He doesn’t think we should all show up to class with stuffed animals at the same time, though, because it might over-stimulate Sterling. He thinks it would work better if one of us did the first week, then two the second, and three the third, and so forth.  I invited him to come to our special meeting.  He said he will be there.”

The counselor realized somewhere during this process that this was pure revelation being given to a young man exercising his priesthood keys.  He awaited this meeting with anxiety knowing that his son, a thirteen-year-old boy, was going to attempt to convince other boys ages 11 to 17 to bring stuffed animals to their Sunday classes.  A personalized text was drafted for each boy.  Their parents were included in the text that invited each young man to attend a special meeting to talk about ways to make Sterling feel included and welcome in classes.

Every boy showed up to the meeting.

The Deacons Quorum president began by introducing everyone to a stuffed puppy he was attached to when he was younger.  He shared its name and why he liked it. Then he walked them through his plan.  The young men listened with rapt attention. They asked good questions.  They asked Sterling's dad questions about which one of their stuffed animals Sterling might like the most.  They fought over who would be first, second, third, and so forth to bring their stuffed animals to church.  The spirit was strong in the meeting, and it was very touching to see how successful it was.  The meeting ended just in time for Mutual to start.  Sterling walked in and saw the Deacons Quorum president holding his stuffed puppy.  He walked right up and asked him about it.  The president introduced him to the puppy, telling him its name and why he liked it.   Everyone silently watched this happen, then watched as Sterling introduced the stuffed animal that he had brought.  There was an instant bonding between the two that everyone witnessed.

The plan is being executed very well.  The Deacons Quorum president has since become a Teacher, but their classes are still combined.  One of the best parts to the story is that the young man from Sterling’s class is now doing a wonderful job serving as the new Deacons Quorum president.  He and Sterling are close friends at school.