28 September 2008

I awoke this morning with a thought, which was really a series of thoughts.  I'll see if I can write them down in an intelligible manner.

In August Margie attended BYU Education Week at BYU-I.  One of the lecturers there told about the first year of his marriage.  Both he and his wife were struggling.  They sat down together and had a discussion from which each learned what the other needed to feel loved.  He learned that she didn't feel loved unless she was regularly told—verbally and through notes.  She learned that he felt loved through frequent physical contact—hugs and kisses.  The lecturer knew others who needed frequent gifts in order to feel loved, or to be taken places in order to feel loved.  I asked Margie what she needed to feel loved.  Her unhesitating answer was, "Help."

I've gone all these years not knowing that the one thing which most tells my wife that I love her is to jump in and help her—house cleaning, baby tending, canning.  I think I've naturally done this pretty well, but I point this out that you may be more wise than I.  I'd suggest that you visit with your wives to find out what they need in order to feel loved.  It might be an eye opener.

My second thought is a suggestion that you do everything in your power to make your wife proud of you.  I'm particularly thinking of your appearance.  As I look at the beards, tattoos, slovenliness, holey clothes, and dirtiness of people around us today—particularly the men—it occurs to me that this is what unbelievers of every age degenerate to.  "And it came to pass that I beheld, after they had dwindled in unbelief they became a dark, and loathsome, and a filthy people, full of idleness and all manner of abominations."  (1 Ne. 12:23).  We need to be set apart from these people.  Our dress and actions do it.

I personally always thought it would be neat to have a beard.  I don't have one because the prophets in my lifetime haven't had beards.  The Brethren are my standard.  They also wear white shirts, suits and ties to church.  N. Eldon Tanner complimented our stake when he visited here because all of the men and boys were appropriately dressed.  The Brethren aren't wearing Levis to church yet.  I don't think we should, either.  That practice has two negative repercussions:  One, it sets an example and precedence for the boys who watch us, and who will take our carelessness to new levels; and, two, it disappoints our wives and mothers.  We must never do anything to embarrass our wives.  They need to feel proud of us.

The third thing our wives need is our communication.  Help your wives.  Communicate with them.  Do these things every day.  Look your best, and keep them proud of you.  These things will pay big dividends.

Postscript:  I attended a fireside the evening after writing this at which our temple president and his wife spoke.  They quoted one of the Brethren who lamented the "laxness" in dress that is becoming more common in sacrament meetings.  He said, "What we wear represents our respect for where we are."