I have several sons who won’t eat asparagus.  That’s pretty sad considering the fact that their mother loves it.  She has a quarter acre planted to asparagus, and sells it by the pound every spring as another source of income.  Not only does she make money off the patch, but there’s enough left over to supply the family with all the asparagus they could possibly want.

In the case of the boys, that’s very little.  The girls are another story.  They love it as much as their mother does.  They tend to go overboard in their consumption.  I’m not sure whether that’s because it appeals to their taste buds, or whether it appeals to their sense of health.  They’re very aware that no one ever got fat from eating asparagus.  They’re also aware that health books show asparagus being loaded with every good vitamin, so they have no hesitation about eating large quantities of it.

Margie made a large batch of asparagus soup, and served it up for Sunday dinner along with a big cake and ice cream.  Being aware of Aaron’s, Kevin’s, and Eli’s disdain for asparagus in any form, she graciously divided the soup into two portions before adding the main ingredient.  Into the big pot she sliced copious quantities of asparagus.  Into the boys’ pot she put broccoli.  I can’t say that they were overly thrilled about the choice, but they all chose broccoli over asparagus.  They each had one bowl of soup, and several servings of cake and ice cream.

The girls each had several bowls of asparagus soup.  It tasted especially good to Katie.  With the memory of that soup in her mind, Katie decided to have asparagus for breakfast on Monday morning.  She turned up her nose at my offering of hotcakes, and fixed herself a batch of asparagus!  I enjoyed the asparagus soup for Sunday dinner, but even I draw the line when it comes to having asparagus for breakfast.

Not only did Katie have asparagus for breakfast, but she ate another batch for lunch.  She then went to her scheduled doctor’s appointment.

There are two rules one should follow when getting medical attention:  The first is “always brush your teeth before going to the dentist.”  The second is “never eat asparagus before going to the doctor.”

“I hope they won’t want a urine sample,” Katie said to her mother.

“They always want a urine sample,” Margie answered, “especially if you think that pain in your back has anything to do with your kidneys.  If it does, the doctor would probably send you to a urologist.”

“My friend, Alice, is always talking about her ‘urinologist,’ ” Katie laughed.

Margie laughed, too.  She laughed harder when Katie got home from her appointment.

“I gave them my asparagus urine sample,” Katie reported.  “They didn’t evacuate the building, but I think they hung an ‘out-of-order’ sign on the bathroom door after I came out.  My problem wasn’t my kidneys, but they’ll probably be calling me anyway once they analyze that sample.”

“When the doctor analyzes that sample, I’m afraid he’ll be sending you to a urinologist,” Margie replied.