Categories: All Articles, Atheism, Commandments, Converts, Prayer, That Ye May Learn Wisdom
Bearers of Light
I had a wonderful visit recently with a former atheist. She is the soon-to-be-80 friend of Danny and Sarah. I asked if she had always been a member of the Church, or if she was a convert. Here is Jadine's story:
There are two things more important to me than anything else: truth and logic. I had been raised in a Protestant family and attended a Protestant church. By the age of 17, I realized that I couldn't relate the things I was taught with what I read in the New Testament. Why would God take the time and trouble to set up a church and then disappear for thousands of years with no contact like what I read about? I went down by a lake, looked upward, and said in essence, "I need to know if You are really there. If You exist, then You need to tell me, because I have to know right now."
Nothing came in response to that "prayer." The clouds didn't even move. I walked away from religion and from God for the next 18 years, and declared myself an atheist. I thought science hadn't advanced enough to answer life's big questions, so why bother worrying about them.
At the age of 35, I was a married mother of three, living in Illinois. Each morning I, along with the other mothers of the neighborhood, walked our children two blocks to their school. Thus, I became friends with Leslie, a neighbor who seemed really joyful and full of "light," ( although I wouldn't have known how to describe it at the time.) There was just something "special" about her.
In our conversations, I expressed my lack of belief in anything religious, and the reasons for my thoughts. Leslie always smiled sweetly, and 15 minutes after our parting, her young son would show up on my doorstep with a Church magazine bookmarked with a note which said, "I thought you would be interested in this." The bookmarked article always addressed my current question or comments.
I didn't tell my friend, but I not only read the bookmarked article, but the entire magazine. I had never before heard of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; but Leslie and her comments, sweetness, and magazines brought many questions to my mind and many of their beliefs seemed VERY strange to me.
After a while, Leslie invited me to church. At the meeting, I found the speaker's viewpoints laughable. How could anyone believe in a young boy seeing angels, finding a buried book, and using stones to translate it? Yet these were educated, intelligent people. Leslie's husband was an orthodontist. Sometimes, things slip out of my mouth before I have a chance to put a zip on it, so I made snide, mocking comments, and for the first and only time, I saw anger in Leslie's eyes. "Don't ever make fun of my Church when you don't know what you're talking about," she said.
Leslie invited me to meet with two "elders" from the Church. I expected to see two elderly men to whom the Church had given an assignment to teach people like me. I thought I would humor them so that they could feel good about themselves. The two elders turned out to be boys who were still wet behind the ears, and they're going to teach me, an adult?! I decided to go along with it since their beliefs seemed so funny to me. I'm always up for a good laugh.
At the beginning of the third discussion, one elder apologized and explained that his companion would be teaching the entire lesson because he, himself, had just had a wisdom tooth extracted, his jaw was swollen, and he was in pain, especially when he talked. But first, he wanted me to say the opening prayer. I responded with comments that it would seem disrespectful since I'm an atheist, and didn't think that God exists. The elder in pain launched into an hour-long refutation of my comments, and said if he could hear me say the prayer, perhaps he could understand why I hadn't gotten an answer. I was shocked that he expected God to actually talk to me, and felt emotions welling up inside. I felt like crying, but under no circumstances could I let the elders and Leslie see that I was feeling emotional. The elder explained to me how to pray and asked me to say the closing prayer, and promised that if I would do so, I would have a marvelous, confirmatory experience. I felt ridiculous "talking to the air," but did some token thing to satisfy the elder, and left for home. As I left Leslie's house and walked down the street, I had a mighty struggle to fight back the tears, and didn't understand why those "boys" made me feel so emotional.. What would the neighbors think if they saw me crying? I felt angry and embarrassed, so decided I'd had enough. It was time to end it. I only cared about what was true and logical, so I certainly wasn't going to get involved in something based on emotion.
Back at home, I decided I needed some way to get out of these discussions without offending the elders or Leslie, since I wanted to maintain Leslie's friendship. The best way to put an end to all of this would be to tell them that I said the prayer, and didn't get an answer. I thought they would then understand why I didn't want to continue our discussions and we could part with friendly feelings. The only problem is that I couldn't lie to them. That meant that I actually had to do it.
I went into my bedroom, locked the door and pulled down the window shades (just in case there was a remote chance that anyone should look in and see me talking to the air and think I'd lost my mind). I felt ridiculous. I knelt down by the bed like the elder had told me to do. He said I had to address Him as "Heavenly Father" so I began that way. Then I was supposed to thank Him for blessings. I said, "I've had a lot of good things happen to me in my life, and I suppose they must have come from You, so thank you."
Then I was supposed to ask something. So, I decided to get it all over with quickly by asking if Joseph Smith was His prophet. After I closed "in the name of Jesus Christ, amen," as directed, the elder said to then wait for the answer, so I had to stay there. I thought to the count of three ought to do it.
"One," pause, "two," pause, and I never got to three. This wave of intense love came over me. I knew that I was not only heard, but was loved with an intensity that I'd never felt before. I also knew without a doubt that what the elders had taught me was true. To say that it was a shock is indeed an understatement. I cried, and felt totally overwhelmed. I was still crying the next day when I called Leslie. I stammered, "It happened."
Leslie asked, "What happened?"
I said, "It happened. I got my answer!" That was 45 years ago. This former atheist continues to be amazed to know that the same church Jesus Christ set up on earth so long ago is in existence today, and that He continues to relate to us in the same way as He did then if we reach out to Him in honesty, and desire to know the truth and to be obedient to His commandments. Actually, I don't like the word "commandments." It sounds so "dictator-like." Our God is indeed our Heavenly Father who loves us more than we can understand. He is a God of law, so he tells us how to be happy and able to return to Him, which is His greatest desire. "If you want to be happy and return to Me, this is what is necessary." We call them "commandments."