For many years I’ve observed the families of couples who are devoted to the Church, but whose children drift into inactivity as they become youth and leave home.  I’ve asked myself why.  What happened?  How could it have been avoided?  What could the parents have done differently?  What went on in those homes that caused the children to turn out as they did?

I’ve puzzled over those questions for decades without being able to come up with an answer.  The answer has finally dawned upon me:  Mother is the key.

The revelation came to me as I asked a woman to perform a service in the Church.  She turned me down.  She is at church every Sunday, but she’s never held a Church calling of which I’m aware.  She turns all callings down because she deems herself incapable of teaching and serving.  She has never spoken in church, nor borne her testimony.

As I realized that I had never heard her bear her testimony, it dawned upon me that her children had never heard it, either.  As they were growing up she’d never taught them.  She took them to church; but at home she never read to them, helped them memorize the Articles of Faith, told them gospel stories, or let them know that the gospel meant anything to her.  She was a quiet, church-attending Latter-day Saint who never read the scriptures, never conducted a Family Home Evening, and never prayed with her children.  If the Church meant much to her, the children had no way of knowing it.

Never mind that their father was actively engaged in the Church.  He was always gone at work or at church.  It was their mother that they were with.  It was their mother that they observed and imitated.  She was a nice person, but being nice only goes so far if it’s not accompanied by active teaching and example.

If mother never picked up the scriptures, why would the children?  If mother was never seen praying, why would the children?  If mother never told them the story of Daniel in the lions’ den, what would they know about faith and commitment?  If mother never mentioned the name of Joseph Smith, how would the children know that she believed in the Restoration, or in the Book of Mormon?  How would the children know that she was a disciple of Jesus Christ if she never mentioned His name?

“The Family—A Proclamation to the World” states that “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”  Fathers who are busy providing for and protecting their families are sometimes almost incidental to the nurturing of their children unless they put forth a daily, conscious effort to be involved with, and nurture, their offspring.  Sometimes the hours or the places they work limit the time they can spend with their children.

If a young man is wise, he will realize that the quality and faithfulness of the children he will one day have will depend upon the quality and dedication of the young woman that he will marry.

Mothers are the key.  Mothers make all the difference.

For instance, it recently struck me that in the current makeup of the Quorum of the Twelve there are at least four Apostles who are there because of their mothers.

Boyd K. Packer, president of the Quorum of the Twelve, was one of eleven children raised by a mother who was an active member of the Church, and by a father who never attended.  It’s easy to see which parent provided the influence that enabled this young boy to grow up to become the mighty Church leader that he is.  I reverence that man.  He has been my hero more than any other person ever since I joined the Church 45 years ago.  He has been a General Authority for my entire Church life.  I have tried to be like him.  I’m grateful to his mother for making him what he is.

Dallin H. Oaks never knew his father, if I remember correctly.  He died early in young Dallin’s life.  Elder Oaks was raised by a devoted, single mother, much like President Heber J. Grant was raised.  Both men frequently gave praise to their wonderful mothers who devotedly raised their boys without a father and husband present to help them.  Mary Fielding Smith, raising young Joseph F. Smith, who would become the sixth president of the Church, is another example that comes to mind.  Try as I might I can’t think of one example of a Church leader who was raised by a single father, but several easily come to mind who were raised by single mothers.

Richard G. Scott was raised by a mother who was an active Church member, and by a father who wasn’t a member of the Church at all.  It wasn’t until Elder Scott and his wife had lost two little children within months of one another that Elder Scott’s father asked his wife how Richard and Jeanene were able to stand the loss.  His wife replied that Richard and Jeanene had an assurance through their temple sealings that they’d be together as a family in the eternities, “something we don’t have,” she added.  Because of Richard and Jeanene’s example, and because of Richard’s mother’s insightful and timely comment, Richard’s father joined the Church and even became a sealer in the Washington D.C. Temple for 10 years.  Richard G. Scott and his father both ended up as leaders in the Church because of Richard’s mother’s faithful influence.

David A. Bednar was also raised by an active mother and a non-member father.  Elder Bednar had the privilege of baptizing his father.  Elder Bednar’s mother raised a faith-filled son, and together they became the influences that eventually converted Elder Bednar’s father.

It is a remarkable thing to me that four of our twelve Apostles owe their faith and their positions of leadership to their mothers.  They are like Helaman’s 2000 stripling Lamanites.  “They had been taught by their mothers…”  (Alma 56:47).  “Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them.”  (Alma 57:21).

I, too, owe my faith to my mother.  My name is Kerns, but I’ve always maintained that I’m perhaps more a McCornack than a Kerns.  I look like a McCornack; and it was McCornack principles that my mother imbedded in my thinking through her teachings, comments and example that enabled me to recognize and embrace the truth when it was presented to me.  She was not hesitant to voice her disapproval of smoking, of drinking alcohol, and of dishonesty or immorality in any form.  She was very Puritanical.  Therefore, as a little boy, perhaps no older than six, I recall resolving in my mind to never do those things.  I never did.  As a consequence, the Spirit was able to touch me, lead me, guide me, and testify to me, and enable me to join the Church and to offer salvation to my posterity and progenitors.

It is because of our mothers.  Mothers are the key.

I have 42 grandchildren.  Every one of them is going to grow up faithful in the Church and be leaders in their wards, quorums, and auxiliaries because every one of them has a mother who is full of faith, and who actively teaches, trains, and testifies.

May the Lord continue to bless these wonderful mothers, and the mother of my wonderful children.  My children are what they are because of her.