By Marjorie H. Kerns

(Part of a talk given in ward conference 22 May 1983,

and again in stake priesthood meeting, 14 August 1983)

Elder Thomas S. Monson tells the story of a very young boy who was abducted from his home and parents and taken to a village situated far away.  He grew to young manhood not knowing who his parents were nor from whence he came.  A yearning came into his heart to find and return to his home.

But where was it to be found?  He could not remember names, faces, or places.  He desperately sought to recall even a glimpse of his childhood.  Into his mind, like a flash of inspiration, came the sound of a bell ringing each Sunday morning from the tower of the village church.  So plain it was that he knew he’d recognize it if he heard it again.

From village to village he wandered.  Each Sunday found him in a different town waiting to hear the ringing of the church bell.  Some were similar; some were far different from the sound he remembered.

Then came the Sunday morning that found the young man standing in front of the church of a typical town.  The bell began to ring.  Tears came to his eyes.  He fell to his knees.  His heart swelled with gratitude.  Here at last was the bell he sought.  He was home!

Why was the ringing of the bell the one thing he remembered?  Was it because it was a regular happening in his life?  Would he have remembered the sound of the bell had it rung but once, twice, or very irregularly?  No lasting impression would have been made on his mind had the bell not rung each week.  It was something his young mind anticipated, and something in which he took pleasure.

Might a weekly family gathering where love and gospel principles are taught and repeated have the same anchoring effect upon the lives of our children?  What will they remember of their home and family?  Will they be more likely to remember one parental testimony, or one repeated in different ways over a long period?  Family Home Evening is an excellent time for this to take place.

 

As I think of the benefits of Family Home Evening I think of it as a training period for me.

Aunt Peggy says that even birds don’t do everything by instinct, and must learn.  She tells of watching a robin building what was obviously its first nest.  The site it chose was on the straight portion of a small limb.  Nesting materials were carefully balanced across the limb, but time after time, they would fall off.  Five times the bird tried.  Five times the nest failed.  Finally after so many failures, the bird changed sites.  This time it selected the fork of a limb, and successfully constructed its first nest.

When we began having children I had every desire to raise them in righteousness, but I was a little like this bird.  After our first child was born it became apparent he was going to be a real challenge.  I could see what potential he had.  He was exceptionally bright, and I knew he was cut out to be something special.  I set out to do my duty, and to produce a perfect son.  By the time he was four, my sights were beginning to lower just a little.  I thought with the help of the Church, maybe we’d be able to keep him out of jail.

It soon became apparent that the only progress we made with this child was during Family Home Evening.  I began analyzing why this was.

You sit down with your family in Home Evening and everyone is in a good mood—mainly because of the thought of refreshments to follow.  If you haven’t prepared refreshments, you’re running a real risk.

You present the principle to be taught, illustrate it with stories, read some scriptures to point out the “Thus saith the Lord” idea, we make personal goals for improvement during the ensuing week (parents too), and the children help in ideas for establishing reminders for the coming week.  No one has been accused, no fingers have been pointed, no one has been put on the defensive.

Compare this to criticizing your child and keeping a running tally as the day progresses of the number of times he has transgressed each principle, and reminding them they would never be able to hold down a job.  Though my motives may have been commendable, I found I wasn’t really teaching.  I was trying to counter the problems and teach by effective punishments.  When we have really taught, as in Family Home Evening, our children want to do what’s right.  They want to mind, and how much easier that makes our job.

Last year Gene R. Cook, one of the General Authorities, visited our stake and in an early morning meeting with the bishops and their wives, he told of a daily devotional they had in their home.  I had often wondered if we were doing enough.  It doesn’t take much computing to know the odds are not good.  Three hours on Sunday, one on Monday, one hour in Mutual, five hours a week for the older students in seminary.  Ten hours—pretty good, but Satan puts in longer hours.

As Brother Cook told how this devotional was handled in their family, James and I both felt it was something our children needed, but both felt we would never be able to pull it off.  It took constant prodding to get the kids out of bed as it was, without getting them up 15 minutes earlier.  I remember thinking as Brother Cook talked to us that General Authorities are really important, and really busy, and that they are probably blessed with kids that don’t give them any guff.

We came home, decided to try it, presented the plan in Family Home Evening, and sure enough, there was one who balked about it.  Everyone was finally convinced to just give it a try.

We are still having family devotionals.  We start with a song.  I play it through once.  Everyone is to be out of bed ready to sing the first verse.  As a general rule James reads us stories out of the talks from general conference.  I understand the Baxters read a different Bible story every day.  We have even read an inspiring story from the Readers Digest once.  We end with family prayer, everyone goes to their rooms to have their secret prayers, and then we eat breakfast.  The days we don’t have family devotional are the days when we can’t get the kids up.  I think it is having a positive effect on our children, mainly because I know they enjoy it.  They want to know the reasons when we don’t have it.  Right now they are typical, run-of-the-mill kids.  Time alone will tell how much of an effect it has had on them.  I can tell you what effect family devotional has had on me.  Never before have I been so aware of my weaknesses.  Never before have I felt so unworthy.  Never before have I had more hope that I could overcome my weaknesses and become worthy.  Never before have I had so much desire to set my life in order and magnify my callings so I can help others do the same.  I remember walking to school one morning back when I was in junior high, and thinking that the key was desire.  If you could only obtain the desire, it wouldn’t take a lifetime or more to gain perfection.  I hope this is something we are instilling in our children.

Many of us are trying to build our nests on straight limbs.  How can we neglect Family Home Evening, family prayer, family scripture study and family activities, and expect our nests to remain securely anchored?  Do we really think that our children (or we) will be able to hold on through the storms of adversity and temptation?  The prophets have told us that if we faithfully hold Family Home Evening, not one child in 100 will go astray.

My husband as a bishop spends a lot of time with the youth, and he often comes home excited because of a good interview he has had.  He is thrilled when one of the youth will accept a challenge and let him help them keep their life on course.  There are times when he can do for the youth what their parents can not do for them.  No matter how good our intentions, sometimes we need help.  Maybe it’s because of rebellion on their part.  Maybe it’s because of walls built by past misunderstandings.  Sometimes as parents, no matter how much we love our children, we can’t do for them what we’d like.  It may be a teacher, a scout leader, or maybe the direction has to come from one of their peers, such as a quorum leader.  As a mother, I pray that when one of my children need help, someone will be magnifying their calling and living by the Spirit enough to supply that help.

I would still like to raise strong and noble—even perfect—children.  I don’t feel like I’m competing against any of you.  We are all in this together, and need one another’s help.  I hope none of us has to depend on our children’s consciences to become like a far distant bell calling them back.  I don’t want them to go astray in the first place.

It is my prayer that we will not just live the letter of the law and hold Family Home Evening, but live the spirit of the law and teach our children.  Teach them, and do whatever else is necessary to bring up children unspotted from the world.