Humor
Lunchtime Conversation
Following is a reprint of the article on page 282 of my book, I Have No Greater Joy. I’m sending it to you again because I had to add a new story at the end, which by itself, would be entitled “Lunchtime Conversation.”
Read MoreFighting the Chill
All of our married life I have been working on a project, and I still don’t have it done. It has been my job from the beginning to warm my wife. I have sometimes suspected that she married me for my warmth.
Her feet are always cold. I very distinctly remember the first time she put her feet on my bare legs in bed. I screamed. I have refrained from screaming since then, since I know what to expect, but the first order of business when getting into bed is to get her feet warmed up.
Sibling Meeting
James: I wish I would have remembered to bring my tape recorder. I found a cassette tape where I recorded dad quoting his corruption of poetry.
Mac: “Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal … “
Worth a Thousand Words
I am intrigued by the pictures that general Young Women president, Bonnie H. Cordon, shared during her talk in general conference, October 2021. She told of her 5-year-old son, Tanner, who was assigned to be the goalie in the team’s first game. He became distracted, stuck his hands through the holes in the net, then his feet, and became completely entangled. The two pictures of the boy are priceless. He’s smiling, happy, and completely disengaged from the game and his purpose. He is just like so many people around us who have no idea who they are, or what their purpose in life might be, and who become hopelessly entangled in distractions.
Read MoreMarjorie’s Forgetter
As I waited at the door, ready to leave for church, Marjorie went to the piano to get the note card on which she’d written the page numbers for the prelude music and hymns that she’d be playing that day.
“Here, give me the card, Marjorie, and I’ll put it in my pocket.” (I’ve noticed that the lists she makes never make it to the grocery store).
Morning Conversation
Marjorie: “What line of the calendar are we on?”
James: “This is the 10th of March. Fifty-three years ago on this date I was given the Melchizedek Priesthood and was ordained an elder. Two years ago on this date I was ordained a patriarch. In exactly one month, on the 10th of April, Eli is going to be married.”
Confusing Colors
Allie has picked some colors for her wedding. I wrote them on a card so that Marjorie would have them for reference. She has been making a dress to wear to the reception. She has worried a good deal over the color of the material that she selected. Yesterday she found the card, and came to me feeling much relief.
Read MoreHidden Treasures
I’m not sure whether my wife has a valuable talent or a problem. She has the ability to reach into random pockets of her clothing and come out with money. She is surprised every time she does it. My typical response is, “Do it again!.” No one knows where the money comes from. This happens often.
Read MoreTwo Math Problems
Bob has 36 candy bars. He eats 29. What does Bob have now?
Diabetes! Bob has diabetes!
Plucky Women
James: “Our ancestor, David Johnson, and his wife Martha Patsey Cutler, moved to an uninhabited wooded area in Indiana Territory in 1816. They started out with four horses, and David hired a man to assist them. The first night out, they hobbled the horses, and the two best ones got away. The hired man was sent back to find them, and they never saw him again.
Read MoreTrip to Town
We ventured to make a trip to town to pay the bills and get some pills. We haven’t been to town for 18 days, and don’t intend to go again for a month. The car’s battery was dead. There are lots of little things that require a small amount of electricity on these new cars; so if they sit unused for a week, the battery gets depleted.
Read MoreObsessive Compulsive Disorder
Why do they call wanting to have everything orderly a disorder? “Obsessive compulsive disorder” is a misnomer for sure. I understand OCD people. I like to have everything orderly, but I’m not obsessive about it. I feel compelled to put things right if I have the time and the inclination to do so, but I’m otherwise able to ignore the problem. I don’t have to jump right up to straighten the picture, but I’ll be sure to do it before I leave the room. I believe in leaving the room, or the world, in better shape than when I came in. I live by the maxim, “If not me, who? If not now, when?” It’s what I call “having a sense of responsibility.”
Read MoreJournal Humor
I am home all alone for the first time since my hip replacement surgery four days ago. Margie and the kids have gone to church….Margie has a piano recital this evening for her students. She kept telling herself all the way through church to remember to go to the Baker County Public Library to pick up a key for the room there with the grand piano where she holds recitals. Her mind, however, was also on her husband at home, and wondering if he was behaving himself, and whether she’d find him crumpled in a heap on the floor somewhere. As she left the church parking lot, Margie said that she needed to go get the library key. Ivy expected her to turn right, but she turned left toward home. Ivy then expected her to turn left at the stop light, and take the 10th Street route to the library. Instead, Margie turned right toward home. Ivy said, “Didn’t you want to go get the library key?”
Read MoreTo See Ourselves as Others See Us
My big dread in life is of making a fool of myself in front of others. I can’t think of anything worse than to have people laughing at me. Some people seemingly have no such worries. It must be nice to be that full of confidence.
Read MorePumpkins or Dogs
Marjorie: “Did you read the article in Ruralite Magazine about the guy that grows giant pumpkins?”
James: “No.”
Flatterer
After 50-plus years, Janet McCornack still remembers the name of a boy who asked to take her to their high school prom. He was in her math class.
Read MoreOne-Upmanship
My boys are competitors. They also enjoy practical jokes. They grew up competing with one another, harassing one another, and loving one another;
Read MoreI Wish I Had Said That
Most of us are slow on the repartee. Those of us who have that problem could benefit by storing in our minds appropriate responses to be offered when opportunities present themselves.
Read MoreMis-hearing and Mis-speaking
Mis-speaking and mis-hearing are two problems that everyone has, but especially so when you get older.
Read MoreDaughter’s Laughter
I’ll tell you the thing that I’m after
Is to know how to pronounce “aughter,”
Awkward Christmas Moments
Eli had work to complete with his lab partner at BYU-Idaho. The lab partner and his wife managed an apartment complex.
Read MoreTo See (Hear) Ourselves as Others Do
I found the following news report interesting: “Police in Amsterdam responded quickly this week when they received an emergency call…
Read MoreHumidity in Vanuatu
It’s 7:30 in the morning of a very overcast day. As I look across the bay, I’d swear there was a snow storm coming. (That’ll be the day). Aore Island just across the bay is disappearing. In a few minutes it will start sprinkling here. Then it will rain. Then Aore Island and the whole bay will disappear as the sky dumps out everything it’s got. The roads will turn into rivers.
Read MoreThings to Wonder About in Vanuatu
What makes the light-colored trails, areas, and dark lines in the water of the bay below our house? They last a long time. I’ve observed the same phenomenon as I’ve driven along the Columbia River. The dark line appears about 7:30 in the morning, and moves very slowly to the east. Are these caused by differences in temperature, aeration, by the tide, or by some other thing?
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