It is my turn to stay home from church to baby-sit Grandma.  Five-year-old Abby, my granddaughter, has a runny nose and a cold, and is also with me.

I just read L. Tom Perry, The Ensign, May 1997, pg. 69-70, wherein he told of negotiating a wonderful contract for a new job that he desperately needed.  He was absolutely convinced that the job was right, and persuaded his family likewise.  As he went to the phone to inform his future employers of his decision, a voice clearly said, "Say no to the offer."

Elder Perry turned the offer down.  In a distressed state he went upstairs to his bedroom and let the scriptures fall open.  Some words leaped from the page, giving him comfort and direction.  He was shortly called as a General Authority.  He is sure in his own mind that the call came because he listened to the Holy Ghost at a critical juncture in his life.

Like everyone else, I have problems.  My chief one currently is finances.  I worry about finances all the time.  We have spent all of our liquid assets.  Income is limited.  There isn't enough to pay the bills, let alone to work on our debts.

And then there's Nathan.  He is unhappy and depressed.  He asked me for a blessing a month ago.  In the blessing he was twice told that "joy is near."  He was told to seek a wife, that it was time.  He has been very good, very cheerful, has done all that he can to locate his wife.  He has attended meetings and activities at the singles branch that he hasn't wanted to attend.  He has had a date.

But apparently he sees a dead end.  He's depressed again.  He couldn't make himself attend the branch today, and got ready and went to church with the family, instead.

I'm fasting today for Kelly's mother, Linda Wassmer.  She was told this week that her cancer is much worse than they'd thought.  Her condition is terminal.

With these thoughts and feelings, I took my scriptures, like Elder Perry had, and opened them.  I commenced reading at Alma 27:3.  The two pages discussed the terrible dilemma faced by the people of Ammon.  Their choice was between death or slavery.

The thing which struck me, though, was the emphasis on those pages upon the word "joy."  In 4 verses (Alma 27:16-19), the word is used eight times.  It appears again as "great joy" in verse 26.  My previous cross-reference directed me to Alma 29:13-17 where a continuation of the story uses "joy" several more times.

I then turned to "joy" in the Topical Guide.  I found a full page of references—all very interesting.  Two of them I looked up.  Psalms 126:5 says, "They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."  John 16:20 says, "your sorrow shall be turned into joy."

I have always maintained that joy is a much deeper feeling than happiness.  Joy is often accompanied by tears.  The feelings are that deep.

Sorrow and pain and afflictions and worries about finances or any other thing are all worthwhile if they are to be followed by the joy that is so abundantly illustrated by the scriptures listed in the Topical Guide.  Reading through those listings is an exercise everyone should do.

I went to my Webster's Dictionary and looked up "joy."  The dictionary people had never experienced joy.  I was amazed at the shallowness of their definitions:  "The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires—a state of happiness or felicity—a source or cause of delight—see pleasure."

One reference to joy that I was especially looking for was missing.  It is a phrase heard in the temple:  "That you may have joy in your posterity."

I have great joy in my posterity.  Abby is playing silently.  She is pretending.  She has two bear caves in the living room and numerous teddy bears.  She says not a word as she plays, but she is smiling and literally running and skipping everywhere she goes.  I've wondered how long she can keep up this pace, but it doesn't slacken.  She brings me joy.

Another thing struck me as I've studied and thought.  L. Tom Perry mentioned how the Lord took a whole decade to prepare Joseph Smith.

The Lord takes his time with us, too.  Everything that He does is designed to bring us joy.  Everything that happens to us is designed to bring us joy if we receive and use our experiences properly.  We must be patient.

Surely L. Tom Perry felt distressed and confused when he was told to turn the job offer down.  It took time before he could understand why he was told to follow the course he took.  But joy was the result.

"Endless joy," "exceeding joy," "great joy," "the joy of the Lord" will be our rewards as we endure patiently and follow the promptings of the Spirit.

 

—29 March 1999

What was written above is an excerpt from my journal.  Over eight years have passed since the writing.  It needs some follow-up comments.

On March 23, 2001 Nathan got married.  He was 23 days short of his 30th birthday.  His wife is his twin in many, many ways.  She was also 29 at the time of her marriage.  She had spent the past decade looking for her husband, had served a mission for the Church, and was doing her best to be faithful and patient, even as Nathan had done.  Their marriage was the culmination and fruit of countless fastings and prayers by them, their parents, and by those who were near to them and loved them.  Their marriage and the years that have followed are not merely happy—they're filled with joy.  The agonizing decade that Nathan and Leslie spent patiently waiting upon the Lord is now just a memory, and they consider every minute of those years to have been worthwhile.

My second son and his wife, Kelly, spent a childless decade after their marriage.  It was agonizing.  She felt like a second-class family member at each family gathering, and each time another couple in the family announced a pregnancy.  Three weeks ago they were given a baby through adoption.  Their joy knows no bounds.  Their prayers have at long last been answered.  The wait was worth the pain.  They were offered other babies and other children, but none of those were theirs.  They knew that this baby was intended to be theirs before he was ever born.

His coming to them was a miracle.  How was it done?  How did this particular spirit who was premortally intended to be their son end up in their arms when they were unable to bear him naturally?

The answer might lie in the grief that Kelly and her family endured several years ago when her mother died of the cancer with which she was afflicted.  We have no way of knowing on this side of the veil how these things are done, but some of us have the feeling that Linda Wassmer passed away at a relatively young age so that she could be in a position to push, influence, and engineer events that would place little David Hans Kerns in the arms of her daughter where the baby rightfully belonged.

We endure much grief in this life, but that grief is often turned to joy—sometimes quite suddenly.  We can identify with Mary Magdalene and the extreme grief she felt at the crucifixion and burial of Jesus.  Her grief led her to the tomb "very early in the morning of the first day of the week."  Her grief was compounded when she found the tomb empty, and assumed that someone had stolen the body.  In an agony she turned to the gardener (as she supposed), and asked where the body had been taken.  The "gardener's" familiar voice spoke her name—that was all—and suddenly her grief was forgotten.  In that instant she became the first person to ever see a resurrected being.  She became the first eyewitness of the Lord's victory over death and the grave.  Her grief we might comprehend, but probably not her feelings of joy.

And then there's me.  I stated that I worry constantly about finances.  I haven't yet gotten completely past that, but I've gotten far enough now that I can see the light ahead.  In a short time I expect to be debt-free and have a nice yearly income for the rest of our lives.