To hold the Priesthood of God is an honor, a privilege, a sacred trust, and a heavy responsibility.

I spent the year before my baptism in deep depression. It was a dark and scary time. It was a necessary period of learning. It provided a stark contrast when the light of the gospel was introduced in my life. It was a necessary lesson. As I began reading the Book of Mormon my depression simply melted away. Light came into my mind. The darkness disappeared. I became happy. Extremely so.

Exactly one year after my baptism I was interviewed by the stake president in Pacific Grove, California, and was told that my name would be presented in stake conference for sustaining to receive the Melchizedek Priesthood on the following Sunday.

That interview took place on Friday. I left the president's office and was horrified to feel that old depression settle down upon me. I hadn't had even an inkling of depression for one whole year. What was wrong? Wasn't I worthy of the Priesthood? I couldn't accept ordination feeling that way. I began a fast.

The next morning I made a long hike into the hills. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be around anyone. I only wanted to be alone with my morose thoughts. I hiked and hiked and my feelings stayed low. I prayed for help and relief and for assurance that I was worthy to receive the Priesthood.

A friend that I had helped to teach was to be baptized that evening. I didn't want to go to the baptism, but because he was my friend, I knew that I had to do it.

At the baptism the man giving the talk on the gift of the Holy Ghost mentioned that the Spirit had been taken from Jesus as He endured the agony of the Atonement. He had to endure that ordeal all alone.

When the man said that, it came to me what had been happening to me during the previous 24 hours. The companionship of the Holy Ghost, which I had enjoyed for the past year, had been taken away. It had been taken away so that I could see the stark difference, and to understand the significance and the importance of the step I was taking as I received the Melchizedek Priesthood. As that realization settled upon me, the Holy Ghost returned.

It was a dramatic moment. In that instant the darkness fled. Light and happiness filled my soul. I was worthy! I could proceed with the ordination. The Lord was teaching me. He wanted me to understand what a treasure I had in the gift of the Holy Ghost, and to understand the importance of the step I was taking in receiving the Priesthood.

From this experience I know that holding the Priesthood is an honor, a privilege, a sacred trust, and a heavy responsibility. Relatively few men in the world have this privilege. Upon relatively few men has this trust been bestowed. The Lord expects these men to use these powers to bless those around them. Half of these men are not doing so. Half of these men are lax in their responsibilities, or have turned their backs upon this sacred trust, and disdain this honor and privilege.

As a patriarch I use the Priesthood to give lots of blessings. I have never gotten comfortable doing so. Giving a priesthood blessing is a scary thing. I can't do it on my own. I must have the Spirit to help me. I am so in need of that help that I am most often fasting before exercising the Priesthood in that manner. I recognize that it is not me who gives the blessings.

I once learned a great and valuable lesson when I gave a priesthood blessing to a comatose woman in the hospital. Her daughter asked me to give the blessing. With the help of two missionaries I did so. One anointed the woman, and I sealed the anointing. I have never experienced such a loss of words. I stuttered and stammered and struggled to find anything to say. It was terrible. It was embarrassing. It was unintelligible. I was a failure.

At the conclusion of the blessing, the daughter looked at me and said, "So what did that mean?"

I shrugged and fled. I berated myself. What had I done wrong? Was I not worthy? Why could I have not given that woman a meaningful blessing?

I only got about a half mile from the hospital when a voice came into my mind. It delivered a one-liner. It taught me about the Priesthood. The voice said, "I have no blessing for that woman."

Suddenly I understood. I knew that woman. She was apostate and negative, critical of her leaders, and had led her fine sons out of the Church.

I learned from that experience that it is not me who gives the blessings. I am merely the mortal conduit through whom the Lord works. He trusts me, and allows me to share his powers. He needs a mortal man to physically lay on hands. He then puts thoughts into that man's head and expects him to find the words to express those thoughts and that blessing.

Can you see the necessity for a priesthood holder to be constantly worthy? Can you see the necessity of having the presence of the Holy Ghost and of being able to follow its promptings? Can you see what an honor and privilege it is to hold the Priesthood? It is a sacred trust and a heavy responsibility.

The Priesthood of God is a man's most valuable possession.

We must always remember that and treat it as such.